Author Archives: Emma Tremont

It may feel strange to think of something as established as gender roles as a “trend”, but I would like to explore this concept. Though they are centuries-spanning, binary gender roles are very much a cultural invention meant to create social order. And they may have been effective in that, but at what cost? It is not natural to expect billions of diverse minds to fit into one of two categories for anything, let alone categories that will define their entire life even before birth. And though each category, a.k.a female or male, has its disadvantages, there is clearly one which is more advantaged in our society; whether you are blessed with that category or not depends simply on the law of chance (in your pants). Gender roles are an outdated trend which create both imbalanced power dynamics and unrealistic social expectations. I believe the world is waking up to this, and it is bringing so much more freedom to humanity.

These binary categories emerged to attach cultural significance to biological differences; to connect the different physical strengths of males and females to different levels of societal value. This is the “centuries-spanning” aspect of gender roles, since we can trace back to cave people’s time and find a relationship between primitive-duty and power (a.k.a. male dominance). However, the aspect of the gender roles conversation that is actually fairly new is the use of the word ‘gender’. You see, gender is not a scientific or medical term; that would be the word ‘sex’, meaning biologically male (XY chromosome) or female (XX chromosome). Up until the 1950s, gender was an interchangeable word for sex, if anything. Even in highly scholarly spheres, the term ‘gender role’ did not have its own definition until the 1950s. 

In the United States, one of the earliest definitions of gender roles is from a 1955 study by John Money, who founded the Gender Identity Clinic at Johns Hopkins University,  which says “gender roles are all those things that a person says or does to disclose himself or herself as having the status of boy or man, girl or woman, respectively.” (Source 1) He goes on to explain how gender roles are evident in elements such as one’s demeanor or even their conversation topics. Though this was still a binary viewpoint, I do believe it was a development since it separated biological sex and gender performance. And that paved the way for a wave of feminist texts in the 1960s and 1970s to challenge gender roles, specifically the unfair advantages of males over females. Though even these protestors were still viewing gender roles in a binary way, this was more clear progress towards the questioning of anyone having to participate in a gender role.

In 1990, a book by Judith Butler questioned gender roles in a big way. It says, “There is no reason to assume that gender ought to remain as two. The presumption of a binary gender system implicitly retains the belief in a mimetic relation of gender to sex whereby gender mirrors sex or is otherwise restricted by it” (Source 5). Finally, someone breaks through the binary glass when questioning gender roles! This was at the beginning of the era of gender questioning in popular media, I believe. The days when gender roles were only discussed in scholarly circles were gone, and thank God (who is of course a male, don’t get me started). As anyone living in the United States today can see, not conforming to gender roles is much more common and accepted than ever before. And yet, at the same time, the binary categories are still very present in our culture.

I will be so bold as to say that society runs on the domesticating of women, or at least it has for a long time. Consider the demographics of teachers, one of the most important jobs contributing to societal order by educating future generations and accepting hardly a living wage for doing so. According to a recent study, 74% of all teachers in the United States are female (Source 2). Now compare that to the demographics of billionaires, one of the most privileged positions profiting from societal order by concentrating extreme wealth in the hands of a few while millions starve . According to another study, 86% of billionaires in the United States are male (Source 3).  This doesn’t happen by accident. Humans given the female category are trained to serve others before themselves, to keep structures running smoothly, and to be physically pleasing to the world while doing so. Humans given the male category are trained to have ambition and confidence, to prove their inner worth, and to change the world with their ideas. Interesting system, huh? 

I would like to bring some personal experience into this. I find that when I am discussing gender roles with a man, I see something quite clearly: sharing their opinion feels like a right, and sharing mine feels like an inconvenience. Ouch. At this point I examine my thought process, honestly, and I come to these conclusions: I do not want to prove that men are the enemy. I don’t want to be blameless. I do not want to ‘win’ the argument. Frankly, I don’t want to argue at all. I just want to share my observation of and experience with gender roles/sexism and have them be taken seriously by a man. Even if he does not (consciously) contribute to the world’s sexism, at least I want to know that he sees it too. In fact, I wish he could see that gender roles are oppressing him as well as me.

As you can see, even I am challenging gender roles through a binary lens– it is hard to shake after living my entire life within! However, I do feel that my greater frustration beyond males in my life not acknowledging the unfair imbalance of gender roles are the gender roles themselves. The fact that things are decided for me before I have a chance to even become me does not feel right. And luckily, I am not alone in this feeling; the most current definition of gender roles by webMD states, “Gender roles are stereotypes regarding attitudes, attributes, and actions imposed on men and women based on gender. These kinds of preconceptions are usually harmful to society — yet, understanding what they are and their history is crucial to overcoming them” (Source 6). This sounds like something I can get behind.

Sources:

Source 1: https://debuk.wordpress.com/2016/12/15/a-brief-history-of-gender/

Source 2: https://www.zippia.com/teacher-jobs/demographics/ 

Source 3: https://balancingeverything.com/millionaire-statistics/ 

Source 4: https://medicine.yale.edu/news-article/what-do-we-mean-by-sex-and-gender/ 

Source 5: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/85767.Gender_Trouble 

Source 6: https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/what-are-gender-roles-and-stereotypes 

Are we going to keep ignoring the white savior (and white director) in blockbuster movies about POC/Indigenous people?

Colonization happened. Genocide happened. Segregation, discrimination, and exploitation happened (not to mention, still do). This is our history, and we cannot ignore it. However… do we have to keep reviving it? Movie after movie continues to portray this history, spend time and money to keep it alive, and ultimately glorify it. This is not awareness. This is greed.

Let’s talk about Avatar and its new sequel, Avatar: The Way of Water. The films’ main character, Jake Sully, is our classic ‘white savior’. In the first film, he was part of a team tasked with extracting a precious chemical from a nearby planet called Pandora, as it would be worth billions of dollars back on Earth. All the team had to do to obtain the chemical was get past the aliens (Na’vi) living on this planet– here are our classic ‘savage POCs’. Long story short, Jake decided that he liked the Na’vi way of life and wanted in on it, so he joined their sacred community and also somehow became king. In the newest film, he is being punished by his white human peers and they are trying to kill him. What this actually results in, however, is countless Indigenous people and animals and lands being destroyed as he moves from village to village and involves them in his war. Rather than turn himself in, which would probably stop the war entirely, he calls on all his new followers to fight for him, sacrificing themselves and everything that is sacred to them. Do we see the problem?

Writer and director James Cameron has said that the films are a sci-fi retelling of European colonization of indigenous peoples. Apparently he spent some time traveling in other countries to get inspired by their misfortune. My words, not his. Now, nobody will say that this movie sides with the colonizers or makes them look like the good guys. There are hours of violent bloodshed to prove that they are not. However, this truth does not mean that the movie is a great step of progress for indigenous people in society. Not only are the Na’vi a physical and cultural hodge-podge of many non-white peoples, swirled together to Cameron’s heart’s content, but their likenesses are both being (primarily) portrayed by white voices and crafted/edited by white minds. This is pretty much the definition of cultural appropriation. Yes, the movie depicts the truth of white people coming in and ruining everything for indigenous people, but let’s think about who is telling and profiting from this story… Suddenly the cycle has continued.

Growing up as a white kid, I viewed many racially-problematic movies as perfectly inspiring stories of the world’s journey towards equality. And I felt that it was pretty much on the horizon– equality, that is. The Help, The Blind Side, Green Book– all of these movies gave ‘representation’ to people of color, yet again, the profits of this representation went directly into the pockets of those who created this brutal inequality in the first place. Profiting the same way their ancestors did, just a new method which happens to disguise itself in a narrative-flipping way.

Being a much more informed and educated white kid now, I realize how dangerous this actually was. If the media depicted race relations in a way that made my developing brain believe that racism was almost over, then we have a problem. That means that I grew up thinking people of color were having about the same life experience as me, and though there were bad things in the past, white people ultimately stood up for what’s right and created equality. What a beautiful story I had been fed.

These non-factual movie tropes are almost rewriting history. For the privileged and gullible, like my kid self, there is no reason to believe that white people weren’t the best thing to happen to people of color/Indigenous people. Sandra Bullock saved that poor Black kid! Emma Stone defied all odds by befriending her housekeepers! Jake was exactly what the Na’vi had been waiting for! These were my takeaways back then. These movies taught me that white people have the right to explore and infiltrate any culture, as long as they are curious and intelligent enough. It often even does the POC a favor, it seemed. Since none of this violent segregation, discrimination, or exploitation goes on anymore, we can look back and honor the white people who stood up to their peers and made things right. Thank God for them. As long as the story gets a happy ending, the young minds of today can keep eating their Cheerios in peace and not give the actual storytelling a second thought.

I don’t know about you, but this is not what I want to be feeding the future of our society. I want the glorifying to stop. The history of white supremacy is an evil and ugly one, and that is what kids need to learn. Not from a white guy voicing a DIY Indigenous person, but from accounts written by POC telling their own stories. I want to see those voices on the big screen, and I want blockbuster profits to be going into those pockets. I don’t want sequels of stories that do not need to be continued, their capitalistic creators thinking that it’s not enough to make billions of dollars off of the stories of the colonized just once. This phenomenon is not only tone-deaf, but it is an erasure of the hurt and loss and fear of so many communities who aren’t experiencing any change after these movies come out. It is not a call to action; it is entertainment for profit.

If you are thinking of seeing Avatar: The Way of Water, I’d recommend stopping while you’re ahead and instead watching a movie that is actually made by a person who shares an identity with the people or culture that it represents. Spoiler alert: no more happy endings.

I believe that the intention of the film You People was to be both a rom-com and a discussion about race relations. To balance the heaviness of modern racism with the lightness of laughter and love. This is about as tall of an order as it gets, and I don’t think anyone could execute it perfectly. So above all, I found it admirable that writers Kenya Barris and Jonah Hill had the guts to try. 

Though this movie was focused on the relationship between a young interracial couple (Lauren London and Jonah Hill), I felt it was more a movie about the relationship between parents-in-law of a different race who treat you like an outsider. This was an interesting direction to take. The rapid-speed of the meet cute-to-wedding period made the romantic chemistry hard to believe at times, but I felt that didn’t matter because the parents-in-law relationships were so impactful to witness. 

I am sure that many viewers were wondering, “Can a serious conversation about racism be had in a rom com?” The thing is, I wouldn’t be so quick to classify this movie in that genre. In the beginning, yes, it has a very typical and likable rom-com style. The wedding planning and meeting the parents comes quickly, though– and that’s where the tone of the movie changes. It was a risk on the writers’ part, but one that I admired. The genre morphs further and further into a sort-of exposure therapy for racist remarks and treatment, until it all cracks. And that is the most passionate part of the movie, not the romance. 

Ezra (Jonah Hill) is the comedic relief for the many many times when his family says things to Amira (Lauren London) or her family that are just so unnecessarily racially-driven, and often flat-out racist. When his white family speaks to her as a black person rather than just as a person. Almost every line out of his mother’s mouth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) must have come from a googled-list of microaggressions, and she really does an amazing job of being so terrible. Watching the pain in Ezra’s eyes as his mother manages to say the worst possible things that a well-meaning white person could is hilarious, but we know that it’s ultimately upsetting because it is not hilarious for Amira. It alienates her.

Watching Ezra try way too hard to not be like his family while interacting with Amira’s parents is funny, cringey, and unfortunate. He definitely puts his foot in his mouth a lot. Amira’s father (Eddie Murphy) is extremely harsh on him, which is another hilarious but ultimately not-ok bit. I think this was a new role for Eddie Murphy– though he was still funny it was in an intense way with much more serious undertones. It’s difficult for the viewer to decipher when he is being a Black man untrusting of and upset at white people, and when he is crossing the line of plain cruelty. And yet, that was one of the most intriguing parts of the movie for me.

Amira’s relationship with her mother-in-law involves a lot less comedy than the men’s does. Women not being allowed to be funny is not a new thing, however, so I won’t even comment on that. Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ character tries much harder to seem like she is accepting of a person of a different race wanting to marry her child. She does things like watch documentaries about hairstyling for Black women and say that she thinks everyone should kneel for the national anthem. She is the perfect depiction of the good-intentioned white woman who is actually just racist and can’t see it. I know that when I was watching her, at least a dozen women I know came to mind who reminded me of her. Though this relationship got less screen time than their male counterparts did, it was very precise in its portrayal.

The moment I referred to earlier, when after a painful leadup everything cracks, happens in the form of Ezra and Amira each confronting their difficult parent-in-law with a powerful speech on the night of the rehearsal dinner. To the man who didn’t give him a break for even a second this whole time, Ezra said, “I will never, ever, ever know what it’s like to be a Black person in this country. But I do know what an asshole is.” And to the woman who could not figure out how to treat her like a real person, Amira said, “At the end of the day, I will never just be Amira to you. I’ll be Amira, the Black token daughter-in law. And that’s ignorant.” I found both of these lines very powerful, very effective, and a clear shot of the heart of this movie.

In the end, the rom com structure comes back and a happy ending ensues. They went straight from calling out modern society for continuing to be weaved with so much racism, to everyone making up and enjoying a sweet and fun wedding. This was not the ending I felt was most genuine, but I guess the writers wanted to give the viewers a reward for sitting through all those uncomfortable and upsetting conversations. I can understand that decision. I can’t say I didn’t shed a tear seeing the parents-in-law decide to value their children finding love over all else, and watching a Black woman and a white man kiss on the altar. There are really only a handful of interracial love stories in American film history, so I believe that adding to that collection is above all a good thing. It is important representation for young viewers, especially when they witness all the complications their generation will have to remedy. I can say that You People, no matter what genre it may fall under, was undeniably brave. 

When I think about my career of schooling up until college, I think of the words simple and predetermined. Neither have a good or bad connotation, they just are. 

Simple, because I never had to question the path ahead. Predetermined, because, well, you can guess this one:) I’ve known from the age of six that I was on the candyland trail to big, shiny COLLEGE. The trail to making my dad proud. I could see all of this in Kindergarten! And I’m pretty sure I said “OK, let’s do this,” because here I am.

The path has definitely had some gumdrop alleys and licorice twists. Every talent show and science fair was a sweet success; every partner project that involved productive playdates left me bouncing off the walls.  

It had some sticky swamps as well, like pink eye and times tables and definitely kickball. 

Soon came high school and I could tell I was getting close to the end, because I could see the faint glow of the candy castle ahead. I was given some semblance of choice in my class lineup, which was a thrilling new freedom. I chose theater class over student council, newspaper over ceramics. I was basically my own woman! 

Another new element of choice I was learning in high school was that of ‘to do what I am supposed to, or not to’. This one never occurred to me before, as I had been in a small private Catholic school until now where nobody even knew about option b. Here at public high school, however, this seemed to be the delicious kool-aid I had been missing out on. (Is kool-aid part of candyland?) 

So I partook, and after school instead of sitting down at the table with various papers requiring my participation, I walked around outside, I hung out with my sister, I watched old movies, and I got good sleep. I was enjoying myself! And this method worked for a good while, because I think I was one of the kids who school came easier to. What was waiting for me at the end of this gingerbread shortcut, however, was a ‘move back 10 spaces’ card. 

I was confused… I thought I’d figured out the game, found the easy fun in the last stretch, and was on my way to winning! What I had actually spent time building was: a loss of respect from my teachers, a disappointment from my parents, and a sense of concern from all of the above. Oh, also a waste of my potential– forgot that one. 

How could I have been so stupid? I used to have a work ethic, an obedience to authority, a regard for the rules. Had my intelligence and values peaked in 8th grade?? Surely no one foresaw this fate for charismatic sweet Emma. She must have a good explanation!

But the scariest part of it all was that I didn’t. “Sorry for letting myself feel like a human rather than a robot,” I’d say; “I guess I’m just bad and we never realized it.” Put up a front to evade any responsibility for arriving here, but underneath worry like never before about my quickly declining good-ness– that was my strategy. 

For the past 10 years, I had looked back at the candy path to see my dad watching me with so much love and pride. Now I was observing a look I’d never seen before, and I couldn’t even run back for protection from the bad because the bad was inside of me. It was on purpose, and now my parents could only give me a shaken look of love when I turned around. For lack of a more original phrase: how did I end up here?

The time to send our resumes to the candy castle was approaching, and so, inversely, was my time to move 12 spaces in one semester. Luckily my performances preceding this period were enough to get me some entrances, but I didn’t totally feel like I deserved them. Regardless, I accepted my favorite one and went off to a place where making people proud happens. I started with a fresh mindset my first semester here at BU (how unique of me); I felt a little like myself again, the one who is good. I turned around and saw my dad’s eyes shining again, only now through FaceTime. 

And then I went home for spring break but didn’t come back to Boston for a year. Pandemic, blah blah, this was one big sour candy that we are all still sucking on. Cut to: spring semester, sophomore year, living in Boston but learning online, old habits creep back in, before I know it the loss of respect and disappointment and concern are back and bigger than before since they hold $80,000 behind them. Ultimate candyland crisis.

That semester I reached a point on the board where I had to think really hard and decide if I was going to keep playing this tricky game I’d been sort of herded into. I made it to the candy castle, I didn’t have to go further. 

There was, however, a sugar stick ladder leading up to another level of the game, one that not everyone has a chance at, one that would ensure me king size candy bars and make the entire journey worthwhile. It would cost my family more than was comfortable to give and would not always be fun for me either. BUT, if I really truly chose to continue on with all the effort I could muster up, it would zap the loss of respect, the disappointment, the concern. And so I searched top to bottom and corner to corner in myself to find parts that would be willing to do this. I gathered all the ones I could find and asked them one simple question: Do you want to feel proud of us again?

I was tearfully excited to find that, yes, I did. Secretly, I wanted that more than anything.

I asked my little brain bosses, how are we going to convince ourself to do this? We will never forget the sweet taste of the Kool-aid, the gingerbread shortcut. We need to take a whole new approach and gear it toward adult Emma. And in came a phrase that, for whatever reason, resounded hugely in my sugar-encrusted brain. “Peace within discipline.” These words brought a few big clarities into my mind: I am not better than anyone else, nor would I want to be, therefore I am not above the rules; Leisurely enjoyment feels good in the moment, and it is, but ‘to do what I’m supposed to’ feels good in a much bigger way; to truly be balanced, to feel complete, I must dedicate time to both the yin and the yang.

Like a snap, I felt something brand new in my approach to school, and that was understanding. I understood why people do this, and I saw then that I did in fact want to be here! I could be comfortably content staying at home and visiting my special places everyday, and one day I think I will feel very ready for that. But right now, I thought, I could also be challenging my ability to find contentment, to learn new strengths in that, and to be the version of myself that feels both familiar and excelling at once. 

No herding, full freedom, just me and my brain, I choose this path:)